Speaking at Grand Haven Christian School Chapel today

Many of you know I have been anxious about speaking at a Chapel Service at Grand Haven Christian School this week and many of you have been praying.  I really felt all of your prayers because my nerves were calm when I arrived at the school today at 7:45a.m.  I have been preparing some videos to share with them to help tell my story of how God amazed me.  The school's theme this year is Be Amazed by God and their theme verse is Psalm 9:1-2 which I plan to memorize:
I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;

I will tell of all your wonders.
I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

I was blessed to be able to share with these kids today ages K-8th and I pray that my talk will help them remember who their Strength and Refuge is in the tough times. 

John 16:33says "I have told you these things, so that you may have peace.  In this world you WILL have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  It doesn't say could have trouble, may have trouble, it says will. In Luke, it says Satan wants to sift us like wheat.  Isn't it reassuring to know that nothing comes into our life without going through the filter of God's hand?  We serve a God who allows suffering but is with us through that suffering.  I will chose to love Him and trust Him with my whole life no matter what.  That is what this video is about.  It is a short recap of my life since Eric was diagnosed with ALS until the day of his funeral.  (Don't forget to mute the jukebox at the top before you view videos)
No Matter What video

I also wanted to share how God has been amazing me by speaking to me through his creation and music so I created this next video with pictures I have taken mostly of the sky since Eric passed away. He lights up the sky to show me that He is with me. 
Light up the sky video

The last video is a clip my Dad edited from the burial at Fort Custer when God really spoke to me.  I wrote more about this in a previous blog entry on both of our blogs because it really gave me an unspeakable peace. 
In Christ Alone video

Part of me is relieved that I have made it through today and I didn't die doing it.  (that is the advice my BSF leader gave me as a goal to get through it) and part of me wonders what God has in store for me next.  For now, I plan to take it easy this weekend with my kids. 
Have a great week! 
Lori

Six months ago today, we lost a great man who went to be with the Lord

Today, it will have been six months since Eric passed away.  I have been thinking about this a lot this week.  Part of me feels like I can't believe it's been that long already and part of me feels like it's been forever since I gave Eric a hug and told him I love him.  I couldn't sleep last night so I got up and prayed for a while and went back to bed.  I woke up this morning at 7:45 to the neighbor girl who rides the bus with us knocking and then walking in the house saying "hellooooo?"  I lept out of bed with my heart beating and ran downstairs to get the kids up and found that Zach was gone.  Yep, off to school... got up, showered, breakfast and off to the bus stop without even a hug from mom.  That boy never ceases to amaze me.  Last time I did this, I think Zach was in 4th grade.  I woke up after the bus came and went to get Zach up and he was gone.  I scrambled to get dressed and make his lunch and ran to school.  I found him in the hallway and he says "Hey mom" like any other day.  I gave him his lunch and he said I already made one.  I told him to wake me next time to at least say good bye.  He obviously forgot that conversation years ago this morning.  I just asked him why he didn't wake me and he said "you need your sleep".  Who's kid is this anyway?  Oh yes, his promptness and morning capabilites come from Eric.  Maddie reflects Eric every day too.  I am surrounded by reminders and pieces of Eric everyday in my home.  I don't mind it, I actually love being reminded of Eric and remembering who he was and what legacy he has left for us. 
This morning on my way to workout, the sun shone so brightly and was hitting the autumn leaves so beautfully in rays through the clouds.  I was thinking of how often God reminds me of his glory and constant presence by things like this.  Then the song Light up the sky came on the radio by the Afters.  God is so good!! Some of the lyrics are:
You light, light, light up the sky

You light up the sky to show me that you are with me
And I, I, I can't deny
No I can't deny that you and right here with me
You've opened my eyes
So I can see you all around me
You light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me that you are with me
Here's a video of the song too (don't forget to mute the jukebox at the top)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6X_E2t7r1pY&feature=related

I'm heading up to camp this weekend with Zach's youth group and Grandma Fox is staying with Maddie.  I am looking forward to spending time with our youth group and fooling my body into thinking it is younger than it is.  I am already planning my nap for Sunday afternoon when we get back. 
Be blessed this week!

Lori

Thinking back about how God amazed me......

I have been thinking back about how God has amazed me over the past few weeks in preparation to speaking at a school in a couple weeks and I read over my last two posts from our old blog because I know how much God amazed me so quickly after Eric's death by revealing things to me in such a real way.  I cried as I read these posts, remembering how difficult these days were and at the same time how much peace God gave me in the midst of it.  I decided to post these on my new blog in two seperate posts to share the true beginning of my grieving process and how quickly God came to my rescue.  Many of you have already read these and let me warn you, even after cutting them down a bit, they are long but worth resharing.  God is good all the time! 

written May 4, 2010

As promised, I have more to share. I have been processing so much of the last few weeks in my mind and God has allowed me to see things very clearly that he put in place that I didn't see at the time.


Going back a little over three weeks now, I was feeling very overwhelmed with caring for Eric, mostly because he was always so uncomfortable and everything I did was such temporary relief so it was constantly necessary to be doing something for him or so it felt. He was also afraid for me to leave at all. I hadn't been out of the house for two weeks prior to then even when our visiting angels caregivers were there. On Saturday night, April 10th I was laying in bed thinking how can I keep taking care of Eric like this? I believe God reminded me that in January when we began with Hospice, they told me that we could go to Trillium Woods in Byron Center for respite care 5 days each month or to help manage anything out of my ability to do so at home. This center is so beautiful, we had been there 1 1/2 years ago when Eric was awarded the Eric Fox ALS fund that he secured by speaking to High School students at Hudsonville about ALS. I decided that I would ask Eric about it the next day. Eric was reluctant about going to Hospice to stay so I decided that I would go with him since Eric's mom was staying at the house that week and could get the kids to school for me. This way I could go and be his wife while someone else did the caregiving. We arrived about 5pm on Wed. April 14th and the first night I realized how much I had been doing on my own as most of the nurses there were shocked that I was still taking care of Eric by myself. I honestly feel that God gave me the strength to do it as long as I did and I never felt like having a pity party for myself. I loved Eric with everything in me and wanted to honor his wish to stay at home and I felt it a priviledge to care for him the way that only I knew how to, but I was looking for some professional help and a break.

It was very difficult to turn over with new nurses every 8 hours and explain everything to them because Eric's communication was nearly nonexistant at that point, even I struggled to understand him at times. He had also become fully dependant on wearing his BiPap 24 hours a day due to shortness of breath. After a couple of days staying with Eric, he was more comfortable, his meds were well managed and he was sleeping in the hospital bed even through the night. His feet that had been swollen so bad with extreme Edema were back to normal and he was even smiling some. The joyful moments were much fewer and farther in between these last few months because the disease had taken so much from him. Hospice told me that they had admitted Eric for medical necessity and that he still had the respite time and the VA would cover him indefinitely to stay there. I struggled with this, only because Eric wanted to be home. I was able to sleep at home after the first few nights and the nurses were learning Eric's care better and I was really enjoying spending time with my kids and a few friends. I was becoming unable to lift Eric for transfers, showers, etc. I had Eric's parents support, my Pastor, the hospice social worker and many friends and families support to keep Eric at Hospice for longer than the original 5 days I had planned.

I talked to Eric on that Saturday night and shared everything I was feeling with him, how much I loved him, how much I was concerned about his care, how much I enjoyed being there for the kids in ways I haven't been able to in so long. I also told him that I wanted him to finish strong. He has left such a testimony to so many in his life since he accepted Christ and the way he has taken ALS and made it a platform to testify to the glory of God even in the trials. It was really hard for him to communicate, but he said he would stay for me. I spent most of my days at Hospice and nights at home with the kids while friends stayed with Eric.

On Tuesday, our Pastor had visited Eric while I took Maddie to the doctor for a breakout she got that morning on her skin. The Pastor later shared with me on Thursday what he had talked about with Eric about staying there, finding peace with the fears of the disease, knowing he had to consider himself, me and the kids in what we chose to do, thinking about heaven and eternity and he spent time praying with him that day. About a week later, I found out my Bible Study leader also stopped by Tuesday to give me a hug and peeked in the room while the Pastor was there. She did not interupt as she didn't see me and saw that someone was praying with Eric. She stopped back later and said she saw "two men meeting with God" so she left. I was back later that day and Eric was very tired and quiet and I went home that evening to take Zach on our date while our friend and caregiver were with Eric that night. My last words to Eric were "I Love You" as were his to me.

The following morning, Wednesday April 21st, I was held up by a few minor things like a phone call with a scheduling problem, I stopped somewhere for a few minutes on the way in, I forgot my pass in my car in the parking lot which I always had clipped to my clothes every other morning, I stopped right outside Eric's door to talk to the nurse about how his night was which she replied "really good" and then I went in to his room. When I went over to him, I froze as I touched his hand and looked at him. I yelled for the nurse who came in and checked his pulse and said "I'm afraid he is gone". "No! he can't be gone, I wasn't here with him!"

I was nearly hyperventilating, I was in shock and so inconsolible. The doctor came in and told me he just checked on Eric less than 20 minutes prior which I know because I saw him going into the building when I went to my car to get my pass. Our favorite nurse was there that day and they both sat and prayed with me and called my friend Sherri to be with me. The Chaplain came in and also talked with me about my shock, guilt and grief. I am sharing this with you because I thought at that moment, I would never be able to live with myself for not being there and him not being at home. I thought I could never overcome my sadness of losing Eric. I spent the rest of that day preparing to tell my kids and all of our family.

The very next day, God lifted me up and gave me grace and peace that I can't even begin to explain to you, peace that can only come from God. I was able to look back at everything and begin to understand how God orchestrated it. Eric's body had begun to shut down, his sleeping more, his lack of appetite, respiratory changes, his lack of communication, and not wanting visitors. I really thought we had more time, but I wasn't seeing the signs. ALS had taken his physical life from him. He just stopped breathing and went without a struggle in a matter of less than 20 minutes into the arms of Jesus! I truly believe Eric felt it was alright to let go of this world, secure in his eternal destination, peaceful knowing that me and the kids would be taken care of. He slipped from this world and was instantly in his new whole body in the presence of the Lord. I can't tell you what joy that brings to my heart. Me and the kids miss Eric more than you can imagine and the sad times are still so fresh in our hearts, but we all know that we will see him again and our life on this earth is but a breath compared to eternity. I feel like God protected me by not having Eric die at the house or with me there where I would have still been helpless to save him and been alone. These are things that have been so clearly revealed to me and while I know I can't know exactly what God had planned or why things happened the way they did, I do know that I have peace that passes all understanding that I never thought I would find that day Eric passed away. Eric loved people and he loved life and he was a fighter who beat the odds of ALS living 5 1/2 years with the disease.

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed." says the Lord, who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10 I pulled a notecard out of my desk with this on it a few days after Eric died from a Bible study I did over 4 years ago. I pray that those of you who are grieving the loss of such a wonderful man can feel the same peace God has given to me in this very difficult time.

I will share later about Eric's funeral and burial more ways God revealed himself to me.

To live is Christ, to die is gain. Phil 1:21

Lori

My last post from Eric's and my blog on our journey with ALS

written Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The last post

This is our 200th post so I thought it would be fitting for it to be the last post to this blog which is a story of our journey with ALS. I will keep the blog open indefinitely as long as blogspot stays around. I want to share our story with as many people as I can that come across it. I have heard numerous stories of people who have stumbled on or blog because they were researching ALS or just wondering what ever happened to Eric or Lori Fox. Many have shared with me that their passion for Christ has been renewed or that they are praying for us and they don't even know us. That makes sharing on this blog all worth while. I don't believe those people come across our blog by coincidence. God uses his Word, circumstances and people to speak to us and this gives us the opportunity to share how good our God is and give him praise, honor and glory.

It will be 5 weeks tomorrow since Eric passed away. His funeral was a month ago. As I think back to that day it seems like a lot of time has passed and also like it was yesterday. God was so near to me that day and in the days prior preparing for the funeral. There were so many times God just showed up and took care of me.

I shed many tears during the service as I held my children close. Eric was such an amazing man, husband, father and friend. But most of all, he really loved God and it was so evident in everything he did. He left a legacy for me and my kids that will never be forgotten.

The day before the funeral, we were trying to arrange transportation for the family to Fort Custer for the burial and I remembered that a friend's father-in-law owned a charter bus. I called her and he had it available which she said never happens. After the funeral, 47 of our family and friends were able to ride together and relax on the drive there. I remember thinking Eric would have just loved this knowing we were all together.

The cemetery was lined with American flags all the way up the driveway. We stepped out and Zach presented Eric's mom, Joan with a flag which was also Eric's wish. I have never witnessed an actual burial as you usually leave and then they cover the casket with dirt. We watched from the road as the hearse drove back to the plot which was dug out. The weather all weekend during the visitations had been rainy, but Monday morning of Eric's funeral the sun shone brightly and it was a beautiful day. As they lowered Eric's body into the ground and pushed the dirt back over the grave, the sun disappeared behind the clouds. Immediately, the song "In Christ Alone" came to my mind. The verse that says "There in the ground, his body lay, Light of the world by darkness slain." When the burial was finished, I thanked everyone for being there and shared the words of that song with them. When I got to the next verse "Then bursting forth, in glorious day, up from the grave He rose again!" The sun shone so brightly in the sky, I couldn't help but look up and cry. I am not comparing Eric's death to Christ's, but I know that God was reminding all of us that when Christ died for us on the cross, the world turned dark because of sin. He took on that sin for us so that we may have eternal life in Him. The next verse says: "And as He stands in victory, sin's curse has lost it's grip on me. For I am his and He is mine, bought with the PRECIOUS blood of CHRIST!" I have always loved that song, but now it will take on a whole new meaning for me. I felt like God was looking down on me and all of us that were so sad that Eric is gone and saying "I see you, I am always here with you and Eric is not in that grave, he is right here with me because of my Son and my love for all of you and you will see him again."

I actually smiled on the bus on the way home as I reflected on the day. I thought Eric would have been so honored by the whole day and how God was glorified even in Eric's death.

I think of Eric all of the time and am reminded of him everywhere I go by pictures, places, songs and my children. I have started a new chapter in my life. Right now I am focused on being here for my kids and spending time listening to God's voice and his plan for my life. He has showed me so many things that I could be doing with my time to glorify Him and I am now praying for God's best for my life. I can easily get busy doing lots of new things, but I want God's best! Please continue to pray for me and the kids as I know so many of you are. We are covered by God's love and grace and are really doing alright. People who don't know the Lord have a hard time understanding that. People who know God's faithfulness know that is the work of the Holy Spirit. If you have followed the blog from the beginning or just came across it today, I pray that you would come to have a true relationship with Christ and accept his free gift of salvation by confessing that you are a sinner and believing that Christ died for you (if you haven't already done that some time in your life). Do it today, don't put it off a minute longer. None of us knows what the tomorrow holds. Don't waste your life. Thank you for being a part of our journey. I know God will use me to comfort others who are suffering just as he comforted me.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Thanks for hanging in there as this post is really long, but I have not been known to write short posts.

With love and a grateful heart,

Lori

I have had some time recently to reflect on God's goodness in my life.  On Friday morning I met with someone to discuss an opportunity to be a part of a women's ministry to work among many godly women that I have a huge amount of respect for and learn from them.   I know this is something God is going to use in my life to prepare me for something He has in store for me.  As I shared my testimony with her, I was reminded how God has walked me through so many things since I was saved at age 11.   
After the meeting, I was headed to Grand Rapids to see my niece on her birthday and noticed what a beautiful day it was as I headed downtown.  I decided that I would stop off downtown afterwards to walk around and see more of ArtPrize.  My first thought was maybe I should call someone to meet me down there and then I thought, No I think God is wanting me to spend some time with him alone today.  I was so glad I listened to that prompting.  I parked downtown, got out and walked for 3 1/2 hours enjoying and admiring the art, God's creation and the beautiful weather, watching people and I couldn't keep from smiling as I thought, what a good day.  How great is our God!  We are often too busy to take time like this to hear what God wants to tell you or see what He wants to show you or when we do, we fill it with all kinds of other things like other people or multi-tasking.  Don't get me wrong, I love being with people.  My family and friends are so important to me, but sometimes we don't have any time to ourselves to be quiet.  It felt really good.  I have a new appreciation for our city and wonder why I don't go there more often (besides the fact that it takes me 10 minutes to get out of it every time with all the one way streets and ongoing construction :).  I took lots of pictures of the art and then took these few shots of churches as I passed them.  It was cool how the sun shone behind each of them as I passed by to draw my attention to them.  I also love the view I had at the Grand Rapids Art Museum with the reflection of the city and the beginning of the changing colors of the season in the pool outside the window.

I discovered this new look on life last summer when I took a week in Grand Haven by myself with no kids in a small home I rented downtown. I had time to read, pray, walk the pier, shop downtown, go to the beach and just enjoy life and all that God has given me. I have lived in West Michigan most of my life and never learned to appreciate in this way the unique cities surrounding me, the beauty of Lake Michigan or all the other wonderful things that are within my reach if I just take some time to explore. Please remind me of this when I complain about the winter months.  There is always something God wants to show us about his creation.  Now I know some of you will be saying it is impossible to take that time for myself like you have and I do understand what it is like to have minimal free time and just trying to keep your head above water.  There are seasons in our lives when it is harder to take the time God wants to spend with us and hear from Him. 

I was working on my daughter's weekly bible study book she gets each Sunday at church late Saturday night as usual so she could earn her coin today at church for a prize and it said on the last page to take 5 minutes to pray and talk to God and tell him how we feel about him.  I asked her if she thought she could take 5 minutes of her day and pray to God or just sit quiet and she threw herself down and started to cry and thought it was way too much to ask of her.  I was shocked and tried to talk to her about how God wants us to talk to Him and spend time with Him each day.  She said, "well you don't" so I started to tell her things I did to spend time with him and then thought, I don't need to justify my time with her, but with God.  I need to be an example to my kids so that they see me taking quiet moments to pray or read my Bible too so it doen't seem like a chore to them.  I was so saddened by my daughter's response and I thought how much more it grieved God and how often I grieve God when I am too busy to take at least 5 minutes of my day to spend alone with Him.  I know this post doesn't have a lot to do with grieving, but my walk with Christ is such a huge part of my life and my future and I felt led to share it with anyone who chooses to read this.  My hope is that you are challenged like me and become more deliberate to find those quiet moments with God on a regular basis. 

Please keep me in your prayers as I have been asked to speak at Grand Haven Christian school's  Chapel this month.  I am asking God what He wants me to share on the topic of how God amazes me.  This will be hard to narrow down into 15 minutes so I want Him to speak through me to these students. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28