I am reading a few books right now, but the one I am most enjoying is called "Widow to Widow: Conversations on the new you" by Miriam Neff. A few weeks after Eric passed away, My friend Sherri called me to tell me there was a woman on Moody Radio speaking about being a widow so I tuned in on line and then listened to her whole interview in the archives a few days later. Everything she said made sense to me and was helpful in encouraging me in this new place I was in. A few weeks ago, I remembered she said she wrote a book so I looked her up again and found her book and website http://www.widowconnection.com/ and I ordered it online. When I got the book, I read the first page that said she became a widow on April 21, 2006. My heart sank as I thought, she lost her husband EXACTLY 4 years before me. Wow, strange cooincidence. A few days later, my sister picked up the book and read the back and said "her husband had ALS too?" I picked up the book and read it and thought, she never said that on the interview. Wow, again! This is no coincidence, I am supposed to read this book so I started reading it that night. That was the night I got no sleep and started this blog. The first chapter I read dealt with grief and our emotions. I have done a good job keeping busy this summer with the kids which I don't regret, but part of this is so I don't have to deal with my emotions all day. I read the following through tears and started to wail:
"Our emotions are intense. Why? Two became one and now half of us is ripped away. Every aspect of our life changes, like it or not, ready or not."
"Admitting what we feel is the beginning of moving forward and being able to make changes in our new life."
She talked about anticipatory grief you have when someone you love has an illness with no cure which I may elaborate on another post some time because I have definitely experienced this and it is different than the grief you experience when a loved one dies suddenly.
"The widows, loss to death is absolutely final. I am not saying our grief ids greater than others, simply different."
This one really got me. "Does anyone know all that you are grieving now: Yes, people realize you lost your husband. But do they know you are suffering from the loss of future dreams? Do you know the plans you had that will never materialize? Do they know that 75% departure of your friendship network hurts too? ... you think of the advice your husband will never offer your children as they go through lifes big passages like marriage, career choices, grandchildren. Please allow yourself to grieve in whatever way and for any amount of time that this emotion floats through your soul."
"Give yourself permission to forget the task at hand. Grieving takes time and work. If we don't allow ourselves to stop and recall, stop and weep, stop and drink in a memory, we miss a valuable moment of healing and moving forward."
I finally allowed myself to acknowledge what I already knew and it hurt. I expressed my grief freely in my room that night and even though it hurt me something fierce, it was something I needed to do and it allowed me to face my grief and start to accept my loss and the changes it would mean in my life.
I have almost finished the book and feel like this woman is my "godly widow" who understands me and is giving me sound advice that I can relate to. I can not wait to tell her what she has done for my soul by writing this book and I may just take a road trip to Chicago to do it in person some day. Every chapter I read, I find more help in this journey. Many things I am already doing, and the confirmation that it is "OK" is so encouraging to me. I know the parts I have shared in part of her first chapter are tough, but I will share more ways God used her to speak to me in an encouraging way soon. She has started a widow ministry and her website is http://www.widowconnection.com/ and it is linked at the top right of my blog as well.
We are leaving for Family Camp tomorrow for a whole week. No TV, just fellowship with other beliefvers, nature and the lake and a cabin with bunks and a bathroom somewhere down the road.... oh boy! I am looking forward to reflecting again on God and life and spending time with my kids which I predict will mostly be when they come back to the cabin to go to sleep. There are lots of fun activities and other families with kids they will spend time with. I hope to use my quiet time to seek out some adventures and also to be still and know He is God.
Be blessed this week. Summer is coming to an end... Enjoy God's beauty with those you love!
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